Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Islamic Police Crackdown on St. Valentine

According to the Guardian Saudi Arabia’s Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice (what a great business card) has banned the sale of red roses and red gifts on the lead-up to Valentine’s Day, accusing the day of love as being un-Islamic and claiming that it unlawfully promotes relationships out of wedlock.

This is old news however, as six years ago there had been reports of mass confiscations of teddy bears and flowers on the actual day. According to Arab News the holiday had officially been deemed a “pagan ritual” and is forbidden from being celebrated by Muslims.

Ahhh, what a great idea CPVPV! I think all governments should take a lesson from the Saudi’s religious police. It could be the 21st Century’s version of book burning. We could parade wannabe Casanovas in the streets, make them walk on rose thorns and hang them up by their oversized red ribbons, or even go the Sarah Kane route and simply force feed them low-carb chocolates until they burst.

We should promote singledom and prevent said singles from madness caused by hyper-romantic excess and bumping into ex-lovers carrying sachets of Ferrera Roché. This would probably reduce the number of shootings and bring down the aggregate mass-murder index.

On another note, I couldn’t help but be reminded of Amnesty International’s recent use of the red rose to deter a certain Islamic ritual from another part of the world; namely, female circumcision, or female genital mutilation.



Is there a deeper, more sinister post-colonial intention for the rose? Heal the world. Love each other! That sort of horseradish? Well... for now:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Don’t fornicate out of wedlock,
And Allah loves you!

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